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I blame it on TIME. She is a trickster. Skewing, altering, and editing my memories. The mind becoming like a river as the days, weeks, and months pass. On the surface, reflecting light and rainbows, yet hiding murky shadows held below. My heart jumps at the chance to remember the highlights, the mental photographs and snapshots of our life together. Thethe adventures, and the minutes and hours that held us together, when all else fought to pull us apart. In the same second as my heart jumps, my mind seeks to hide the currents, the rocks, the dangers that existed in those depths; those dark times, full of silence, anger, and my tears Thethe.

The ones that with stark finality, mapped out the unscalable mountains that lay between us, dividing us once and for all. And time still ticks This time, no longer waiting for you, but waiting for my heart tofor my soul to piece itself back together. Waiting for the "what ifs" to fade. Waiting for the simple promise that time makes; that with time, all things.

I survived what I thought unsurvivable, living without you. Living through all of the "never agains", they are just as bad as the "what ifs". Never getting to hug you goodbye one last time. Never again will I kiss you, will I hold your hand, will I see your face. Never again will I wake up next to you, fall asleep resting my hand on your shoulder or against your back. Never again will I lay my head on your chest, feel your heartbeat, your breath.

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